I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
