i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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