I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
