textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
