we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
