For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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