i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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