Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
