Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize