That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
