and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
