You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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