The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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