Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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