I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
