Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My nipple is on Facebook.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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