I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
