Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize