trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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