ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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