he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
