They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
