tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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