they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
