the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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