i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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