Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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