Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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