Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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