If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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