My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
