I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
