i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
