a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
