I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Porn is love you can see.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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