If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
