Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
