Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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