Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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