I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
