Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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