I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
50% drunk capacity currently
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
