its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think brook has ever known best
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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