she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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