Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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