Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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