too bad you live with your parents still
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
