mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
