He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
