I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
