I faked an abortion last night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
