I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
