I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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