Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
