i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
