I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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