Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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