You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
