i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dick has a subreddit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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