You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
