I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
