A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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