dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
