I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
