im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You made out with two different species that night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
