I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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