I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
