so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this just has baby written all over it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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