I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
