i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize