When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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