i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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