she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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