I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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