your room smells of hookers.
And success
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
