All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
