i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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